Q & A about Consent and Sexual Violence with Julia Hochstadt, LCSW for Whyzz.com
**Note, the information below is not intended to serve as legal information or definition of any kind and definitions may vary by state. It’s important to familiarize yourself with local statutes and information as needed.
What does sexual harassment mean?
Sexual harassment is a form of gender-based discrimination that involves unwelcome sexual conduct that creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive environment. Sexual harassment typically involves unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. If you or someone you know believes they are being or have been sexually harassed, resources for support are available.
For young kids…
“Sexual harassment” means when someone makes you feel uncomfortable – with their words or with their actions – in any way that has to do with your body, or sometimes their body. This could be someone talking to you about parts of your body that you don’t want to talk about with them (like your chest, your legs, your private parts etc.). If something like this happens, I want you to know you can tell me about it and you won’t be in trouble.
What is sexual assault?
The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without your explicit consent. Some forms of sexual assault include:
- Fondling or unwanted sexual touching
- Forcing someone to perform sexual acts; either something forcibly done to you or forcing you to do something to someone else
- Forced penetration, also known as rape
Any person (of any sex, gender, age, and race) can be a victim of sexual assault—including friends, spouses, partners and other family or community members. Any sexual activity that you did not consent to can be considered sexual assault. While the terms sexual assault and rape are sometimes used interchangeably, sexual assault also refers to non-penetrative sexual activity, including fondling and sexual touching. Sexual assault is a crime and if you or someone you know is in need of support, you should know that you are not alone.
For young kids…
“Sexual assault” is what we call it when anytime, anyone (family members, friends, neighbors, even strangers) touches you in a way that you don’t want to be touched. Or, if someone asks you or makes you touch them on their body, usually involving private parts (penis, vagina, mouth, butt, breasts) when you don’t want to – this is called “sexual assault.” If something like this happens, even if that person asks you to keep it a secret or says something like you’ll be in trouble or hurt if you tell, it’s important to let a grown up know.
What is rape?
The term rape refers to sexual intercourse or sexual penetration of certain parts of the body (vagina, anus, or mouth), with or without force (note, physical force is not necessarily present), by a sex organ, other body part or foreign object, without the consent of the victim. Rape is a form of sexual assault, but not all sexual assault is rape. The term rape is often used as a legal definition to specifically include sexual penetration, however slight, without consent. Rape is a crime and if you or someone you know is in need of support, you should know that you are not alone.
For young kids…
“Rape” is a word that means that someone has hurt your body in a specific way, even if there isn’t any pain. If anyone (a boy or a girl OR a man or a woman) touches or puts something inside your body – into your mouth, your vagina or your butt – it’s NOT ok. In fact, this is considered a crime. If something like this ever happens, you can tell me or any of your other grown ups and we will figure out what to do together.
What does consent mean?
The legal definition of consent differs from state to state. In general, consent is an active, verbal and non-verbal agreement to engage in sexual activity with someone. Consent to one sexual act does not imply consent to another sexual act. Sexual activity without your consent can be considered sexual assault and/or rape. If you are underage, under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, or asleep you do not have the capacity to give consent.
For young kids…
“Consent” means saying that something is ok…or that something is not ok. When it comes to our bodies, it’s very important to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable. If someone doesn’t, it’s important to listen to them and to stop. If you don’t feel comfortable, it’s ok to let the other person know it. Saying ok to one thing doesn’t necessarily mean saying ok to another thing, so it’s important to talk about consent lots of times.
What does the term “catcalling” mean?
Catcalling is usually defined as a rude, derogatory or unwelcome comment or sound, typically directed at girls and women. Catcalling, also known as street harassment, can limit someone’s access to public space and may seriously impact a person’s overall sense of safety.
For young kids…
See “sexual harassment” and add that when something like this happens outside, on the street, at the mall, it’s sometimes called “catcalling.” Catcalling may happen from a person that you know or by a stranger. An example of catcalling might be yelling across the street to someone and telling them that they “look hot” or “sexy.” Talking to someone like this is actually not a nice way to speak or compliment a person. Although something like this might feel good in the moment, it’s also very normal to feel uncomfortable if someone talks to you in this way.
What does the term “sexting” mean?
Sexting, messaging that typically happens between cell phones, computers or other digital devices, is the sending, receiving or forwarding of sexually explicit messages, photographs or videos. It’s important to keep in mind that once you send a message virtually – sexual or otherwise - it could be shared with other people without your permission. Forwarding or posting sexual messages you receive may also be illegal in your state if the message contains a photo of a young person.
For young kids…
“Sexting” is sending text messages, pictures or emails that have to do with sex. It’s important to keep in mind that things that we send (or receive) on our phones and over email aren’t always private! It’s possible that people that you didn’t send your messages to might be able to see them, so make sure what you send in text or email would be ok for other people to see.
What does “me too” mean?
#MeToo is a social movement that raises awareness about sexual violence. #MeToo aims to show just how common sexual harassment, sexual abuse and sexual assault truly are. The movement seeks to show survivors of sexual violence that they are not alone, a worry that many survivors express feeling. The hashtag “MeToo” now typically serves to denote having experienced some type of sexual violence, or to identify oneself as an ally to the movement.
For young kids…
The “MeToo” movement is a very important group of people who want people who have been hurt by sexual violence to know that they are not alone. This group’s purpose is to raise awareness about sexual violence and to help people know that they have others to talk to.
Why do I need to hug my parents' friends?
For young kids…
You don’t, necessarily. If you’re uncomfortable, find an adult that you feel safe talking to and let them know how you feel. This adult may or may not be one of your parents. You are in charge of your body and if something makes you feel uncomfortable, you have the right to let others know!
About Julia Hochstadt
Julia Hochstadt, LCSW, Psychotherapist has been working with survivors of trauma and crime for nearly 20 years in hospital-based and private practice settings.
Julia maintains a psychotherapy practice with offices in Midland Park, NJ and in midtown Manhattan. In addition to her clinical work, Julia facilitates educational courses for medical, legal and other professional and community audiences related to interpersonal violence. She regularly testifies as an expert witness with the Manhattan and Bronx District Attorneys offices.
Julia holds a Masters Degree in Social Work from Columbia University, advanced Clinical Certificates from NYU, and certification in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy from the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy. Julia can best be reached at julia.hochstadt@gmail.com or via her website www.TherapyWithJulia.com.
