Talking to Children about Violence - Tips for Parents and Teachers

High profile acts of violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved-ones are at risk. They will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help children feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security and talking with them about their fears.

1. Reassure children that they are safe. Emphasize that schools are very safe.
    Validate their feelings. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy occurs.
    Let children talk about their feelings, help put them into perspective, and assist 
    them in expressing these feelings appropriately.


2. Make time to talk. Let their questions be your guide as to how much information 
    to provide. Be patient. Children and youth do not always talk about their feelings
    readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while
    you do the dishes or yard work. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or
    doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities
    (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them
    identify and express their feelings.


3. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.

• Early elementary schoolchildren need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding    children about exterior doors being locked, child monitoring efforts on the   playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day.
  

• Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in   asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at    their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss  efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools.
  

• Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying    opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share    concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent   tragedies in society. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe    schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g. not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to the school safety made by students or community members, etc.), communicating any personal safety concerns to school administrators, and accessing support for emotional needs.
  

4. Review safety procedures. This should include procedures and safeguards at
    school and at home. Help children identify at least one adult at school and in the
    community to whom they go if they feel threatened or at risk.

5. Observe children's emotional state. Some children may not express their
    concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can
    indicate a child's level of anxiety or discomfort. In most children, these symptoms
    will ease with reassurance and time. However, some children may be at risk for 
    more intense reactions. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or
    personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or with special
    needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Seek the help of
    mental health professional if you are at all concerned.

6. Limit television viewing of these events. Limit television viewing and be aware 
    if the television is on in common areas. Developmentally inappropriate information
    can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Adults also need to
    be mindful of the content of conversations that they have with each other in front
    of children, even teenagers, and limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and
    angry comments that might be misunderstood.

7. Maintain a normal routine. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and 
    promote physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals,
    and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular
    activities but don't push them if they seem overwhelmed.

Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children

• Schools are safe places. School staff work with parents and public safety   providers (local police and fire departments, emergency responders, hospitals, etc.) to keep you safe.
  

• The school building is safe because … (cite specific school procedures).

• We all play a role in the school safety. Be observant and let an adult know if you see or hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous or frightened.
  

• There is a difference between reporting, tattling or gossiping. You can provide important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear.
  

• Don't dwell on the worst possibilities. Although there is no absolute guarantee   that something bad will never happen, it is important to understand the difference  between the possibility of something happening and the probability that it will affect our school.
  

• Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things that you   enjoy, sticking to your normal routine, and being with friends and family help make us feel better and keep us from worrying about the event.
  

• Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to   handle their anger, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffering from   mental illness.
  
  Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders) work very hard to   get those people help and keep them from hurting others. It is important for all of   us to know how to get help if we feel really upset or angry and to stay away from   drugs and alcohol.
  

• Stay away from guns and other weapons. Tell an adult if you know someone has a gun. Access to guns is one of the leading risk factors for deadly violence.
  

• Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the   positive solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning  conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is  struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.
  

NASP has additional information for parents and educators on school safety, violence prevention, children's trauma reactions, and crisis response at http://www.nasponline.org/.
©2006, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway #402, Bethesda, MD 20814